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emotions, friendships, the future, and today.
i went out to coffee and pizza today with a friend. he’s currently working at a ski resort in the mountains and was down in denver today to pick up his family from the airport, so we got together… and it was absolutely lovely to just talk and talk. we hung out for four and a half hours and hardly ran out of things to talk about.
that is something in my life that is sorely lacking.
i have friends. i have a lot of friends. mostly spattered across the country. i mean, i have some here too - but the majority of them are fairly responsible adults, fairly settled in what they’re going to do. and when you have a vagabond heart like my own with a scattered sense of direction… well, relationships can only go so far.
i am weary, i guess you could say. today has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and days like this i never understand.i hate seeing my friends get hurt and hurting each other, when all of is just a clustercuss of selfishness. i’m one to talk though, i’m one of the most self-centered people ever.
i was thinking more about the future today too. and how i had thought that i had one hundred percent decided that i was going to apply for the to write love fall internship. but i am realizing that it may not be the best thing. i dunno, i think i just have this idea in my head that if i do something like that i will magically figure out my life and get some sort of plan. but i know that is not the case. and i need to get that out of my head before moving in that sort of direction. annd.. well. also. since watching john mark comer’s sermon series on depression and anxiety.. i honestly don’t think i believe that depression is a disease. i have been tossing that idea around in my head for months, maybe even longer. and that sort of solidified that belief. and it most likely wouldn’t be the wisest thing to work for an organization when you disagree with something that is so foundational to their work. but i really don’t think that it is a disease. i think that as humans, there is something broken inside of all of us - and that brokenness is shown in symptoms. depression being one of them. and maybe sometimes medication and counseling can help, but i truly 100% believe that only Christ can heal.
i don’t know.
i don’t know much about anything.
except for that i can’t let bitterness and hate creep into my heart, because they far too easily take root. i know that i have to fight every day, every moment to not focus on myself. i know that God is good, all the time. and that i am nothing without Him and his grace and love and mercy.
i am weary but my heart is in His hands. -
themidnighttsociety liked this
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bucketsforbulletwounds said:
One of the problems I have with TWLOHA is that I can’t just say, “Jesus loves you, DANGIT, and the only real peace comes from him.” For now, I belong in the UChapter bc I’ve been able to form bonds with non-believers, but my heart is also torn.
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takecaretiredsouls posted this
